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(Sit on the couch)

Time? [16 Feb 2006|11:29am]
Its flying! First we thought we could never beat the Dominion, now we've won, Ben's gone, chaos has errupted aboard Ds9.

Demar was killed, Odo left, Kira has been promoted, Jake and Cassidy are wrecks, Julian and Miles want to picket the mouth of the wormhole to make the prophets send him back to us, Worf has gone to the Klingon home world to try and "Figure things out".

and me? I'm afraid, I'm afraid the Dominion will return some day and we wont be able to beat them again, I'm afraid I'll never see Benjamin again, I'm afraid that someday i'll lose Julian,

It's all so insane,

It's all so senseless.

I'm a mess.

(Sit on the couch)

[22 Jan 2006|12:00am]
I'm a bit of a klutz in the kitchen - to say the least, Benjamin asked me to watch his Jambalya once - and i thought i'd help by replicating some dessert.

Within minutes the Jambalya was in flames and the fire suppression system had activated

Ben has never asked me to baby sit his food again!

(Sit on the couch)

Mistake? [14 Jan 2006|03:50pm]
I think Benjamin made a mistake promoting me to Lt. I'm way too overwhelmed by this whole war business - i'm a lover not a fighter!

I think he made a mistake assigning Worf and I for this mission tomorrow, there is way too much tension there!

(not C.O but still mistakes)

I think the Dominion made a mistake declaring war on the Federation, they picked the wrong person to mess with, Ben has so much bitterness and anger over Jennifers death, that a war is exactly what the doctor ordered to release it - Ben in a bad mood is a no no!

I think Quark made a mistake slipping his hand on my butt last night at the Dabo tables!

I think eating that second cheesecake at lunch was a mistake!

*runs to bathroom*

(Sit on the couch)

[14 Jan 2006|03:50pm]
Dear Mom,

Please stop being such a pain, yes i am a joined trill now, yes i have gotten a hair cut, and yes it is my own life, please but out. Please also let Norvo alone, its your fault he is where he is, just let him be.

sincerely yours

Ezri DAX


Dear Norvo,

Please dont listen to Mom or Janel, Follow your creative dreams, and be all that you can be. Do not let them drag you down with them. although things didnt work out the way you thought they would, it can only be uphill from here on in,
love you always
big sis

~ Zi ~


Dear Janel,

I know you have decided you want to work at home with mother, but if Norvo wishes to leave, please let him. Don't make him feel guilty for wanting to follow his heart. He realises he was wrong to do what he did, and he is serving his punishment, don't let his mistake destroy what you and mother have built,

All my love


Dear Self,

Stop being such a pushover, ask Julian out for a drink, and tell Ben to stop calling you Old Man!



Dear Benjamin,

Stop calling me old man,



Dear Julian,

would you like to go for a drink sometime



Dear Quark,

I DO NOT want to go out for a drink sometime,

Lt, Dax


Dear Worf,

Stop misdirecting your rage at Ezri,



(Sit on the couch)

[04 Jan 2006|12:37pm]
I am writing these posts as one because i wont see much of either season, the days are getting blurred with months, and this blood bath they call War is continuing.

We have lost so many good men and women, it makes my heart bleed to see their sacrifice going to waste.

Ben says we have to continue, we have to take Ds9 back by force. He has been put in charge of taking back our home. With Jake left on board the stakes are pretty high.

we have all gone beyond the call of duty this last few months, we have all performed with honour and courage and distinction, and we will all hear the screams, see the bloodied and ravaged bodies, the carnage, the images of war resonate for years to come.

The plan is made, the fleet is gathering, i just want to get this over with, and get back to my own bed.

(Sit on the couch)

opposites [23 Dec 2005|03:57pm]
I seem to be opposite to everybody. Technically, I am eight different people rolled into one, so I have 8 different sides. More than two of which are complete polar opposites.

So its like I have a party going on in my mind, do I like coffee? Do I like gagh? Yes, no, wait yes, I mean no, or do I mean yes? You see! I'm opposite inside myself let alone having any one else to be opposite against!

In saying that, I feel opposite to Worf, my previous host Jadzia was married to him and looking back she looked opposite to him, but looking at myself now, well we look even more opposite than that!

He’s a warrior, I used to be a gymnast, he likes Klingon opera, I really think it’s an acquired taste that I haven’t managed to acquire yet, he likes Gagh, I cant stand the wiggle, the list is endless!

But in saying that, we each have attributes to compliment one another and we work well as a team - speaking of which, we’re going to the front line at 0600h tomorrow so I have to go and get some rest!

(Sit on the couch)

[08 Dec 2005|08:17pm]
Julian accidentally tripped me over a step, I fell down a flight of stairs in Quarks, and smacked my head on something sharp, with blood trickling down my cheek, I got to my feet only to realise that I was dizzy and light headed and fell over again - in the process I knocked into a dabo girl and a waiter, and a tray full of food and drink went flying across the bar.

Quark billed me for the tray of food of course, Worf scowled disapprovingly as Julian fussed over me with a dermal regenerator, my head stung for hours, but I have to say, the most pain I suffered was to my ego I felt as though the whole world was laughing at me - well in saying that the whole of Deep Space Nine, by the end of the day, were in fact snickering behind me as I walked past!

I think the best thing for me to do is keep my head down and have a hot sonic shower, I feel mortified! And Julian feels so guilty it’s quite sweet! He had flowers sent to my quarters and asked me to dinner tonight. I don’t know if I should, Worf might get jealous and upset. But I really like Julian… decisions, decisions!

(Sit on the couch)

[08 Dec 2005|08:17pm]
My biggest challenge to date? Well that’d be a toss up between the joining, and trying to fit in aboard the station. And to be honest, for ages I thought that trying to adjust to having the symbiot inside me, and to being submersed in the lives and memories and thoughts of like 7 other people or is it 8?

Anyway, coming to the station was the hardest thing I’ve had to adjust to, being friends with Ben again, and the others, and worst of all Worf, I think I might leave and go back to Trill for a while, clear my head, try to come to terms with all that has happened, and to try and understand all of the voices I hear swimming around in my head.

I just think its too hard, Worf cant take it, I can’t take it, and Julian and Quark definitely can’t take it!

Benjamin tells me it’ll just take time for people to warm to me, and to get used to having lost the old Dax, and to having a new Dax around, but I wonder if it’ll be possible for them to mourn the loss of Jadzia and at the same time embrace me being here. Not to mention I talk too much, my tendency to run off at the mouth and confuse which Dax I actually am is a problem too!

I’d love to stay, I love it here, my job, although the station doesn’t have a counsellor for me to assist poses a slight problem, but i'm sure I could do something else if I absolutely had to, I don’t know, I just don’t know…

(Sit on the couch)

[24 Nov 2005|04:19pm]
Hmm, what does my heart desire?

Well I don’t really know, right now I’d settle for a slice of warm apple pie with ice cream, its my new favourite dessert that Quark gave me last week with my dinner with Ben.

But long term, well I’ve been thinking that I might like to have children, and a husband, and a little kitten. I’d like to get to know people a lot better aboard the station, I feel a little out of place, like i'm still the new guy, and when they are talking and having fun I feel a bit like i'm on the outside looking in.

At the moment I cant think of anything else, (but that’s partly because I’ve been sipping champagne as i'm getting ready for the Chief’s Birthday party!)

(Sit on the couch)

[25 Oct 2005|03:52pm]
I haven’t been on any interesting away missions since coming aboard Ds9 - well unless you count the front lines and combat duty with the Jem Hadar, I do however remember a particularly interesting away mission that my previous host Jadzia was sent on with Miles and Julian about a year or so ago.

Starfleet had discovered a rare subspace compression phenomenon nearby and sent the Defiant to have a little look-see, Captain Sisko decided to send a run about into the vortex of the anomaly to take a closer look at how it worked and get some up close data to report back.

The Defiant activated a tractor beam to minimise the special distortions coming from the phenomenon and as we approached the vortex we were shrunk to half the size of a comm. badge! And by we I mean Jadzia and the others!

The tractor beam started to lose power as the Jem Hadar, taking advantage of the interference caused by the anomaly, attacked the defiant, and we were trapped in a ship the size of a shoe. We had to fly inside the ship through a waste vent and help the crew take back the ship and outwit the Jem Hadar.

Needless to say we did, but it was quite a strange away mission to say the least, and to this day Miles and Julian are convinced they’re a few centimetres shorter than what they were before they were sent on the away mission - which may be helped by the fact Odo and Quark comment now and then on how short they look!

(Sit on the couch)

[15 Oct 2005|10:46am]
What a subject to discuss with a Trill! Well as I have told you all many times before, i'm a few hundred years old – I know * blushes * and I don’t look a day over 25 right? Well for my species age is quite important. Especially for a joined Trill, and for those of you new here, by joined I mean, as Jadzia would say, Trills with a worm in their belly!

As each host dies, the symbiont is passed into a new host, retaining all of the former hosts memories and experience, in essence we become immortal. Its quite a big deal, well to me it is anyway. Knowing that even after i'm dead my memory will live on. It does put quite a lot of pressure on me, especially since I have the Dax symbiont, one of the most well-known and prestigious symbionts on Trill. And until now, Dax has had such a colourful and um interesting existence.

But me? I'm only young, a counsellor aboard a Space Station, and I have such big shoes to fill! Not that any of my former hosts had big feet, I just mean; I have much to live up to.

Anyway i'm straying from the topic, as I so often do since becoming joined. Personally I have a very general, and broad outlook on age, probably because I have 300 years of experience under my belt - in saying that, a lot of the time I still act my age (and Worf will argue a lot of the time I don’t even act my age) its hard to explain I suppose i'm more conscious of my age now that I am joined, whereas before I was joined it didn’t really mean much to me at all.

I realise I am not making sense – which is another side effect of becoming joined, i'm told it will take many months before I can completely understand everything that is flying at warp speed through my ever confusing mind.

Settling in here on ds9 is helping me a lot; i'm starting to reassert myself as Ezri Tigan, and finding the distinction between Dax and Tigan while at the same time, taking advantage of the fact that one or two lifetimes ago I was friends with some of these people. It’s like looking at life through someone else’s eyes.

I better get going before I confuse you all even more!

(Sit on the couch)

stress... [13 Oct 2005|11:43am]
Stress? Well being a counsellor it kinda goes with the job! Not to mention being a joined Trill, especially when I didn’t want to be joined! Between Quarks flirting, Worfs moods, Benjamin’s being the emissary, Kira’s temper, Julian and Mile’s little domestic arguments, my life is filled with stress!

The most stressful time of my life was being joined; I woke up with the memories of nine different people! I was such a confused jumble of emotions and boy did I have issues!

But now i'm starting to figure out who I am, and separate the Ezri Tigan and the many Dax’s inside my head!

Right now I have an appointment with Garack his claustrophobia is playing up again!

(Sit on the couch)

[04 Oct 2005|12:36pm]
Woah where to begin. Its so complex that It may take a while to explain! My name is Ezri Dax and i'm a joined Trill. Dax is the symbionts name. My name, the host, is Ezri Tigan. But Trill traditions mean that the symbionts name takes precedence over and replaces the hosts. I was born on Trill in 2354, and I have quite a small family, my mother Yanas Tigan, and my two brothers Norvo and Janel. They live in the Sappora system and operate a family business, to my mothers delight; it’s the 6th largest in the sector. It used to be 5th until the Ferangi butted in, but that’s another story.

After I attended Starfleet academy I was posted to the uss Destiny as assistant ships counsellor in the year 2374. And while en route to Trill in 2375, the Dax symbiont we were transporting took a turn for the worse and needed to be joined immediately. As it turned out I was the only available Trill on board and I had to be implanted with the symbiont. I had no training, nothing. You see usually Trill initiates undergo extensive training in the Trill Symbiosis Institute, but all I got was an emergency 15-minute lecture from the surgeon who performed the operation!

At first, understandably I was completely overwhelmed by the other 8 personalities and memories I was thrown amongst. And to be honest I still have problems figuring out my pronouns!

In 2375 Ben Sisko my CO, convinced Starfleet medical to waive the remainder of my training as a counsellor, his argument was that there was nothing I could learn in my last few months of training that I hadn’t already learned in the last 300 years! So I was promoted to the rank of Lieutenant, Junior grade!

That’s pretty much all there is to know about me, Dax has had a much more colourful life – or should I say 8 lives, well 9 including me! In order, Lela Dax was a legislator, one of the first women to serve as a council member on the Trill homeworld. When she started out, she would speak using lots of emphatic gesturing. She found out that some of her male colleagues were making fun of her for this, so she started to restrain herself by holding her hands behind her back; that became a habit which remained with Dax throughout the symbiont's several lifetimes, Tobin was a shy, nervous fellow, a nail-biter who was socially inept and constantly apologetic. But when it came to intellectual pursuits, he excelled in several fields an engineer who could give the chief a run for his money! Emony an Olympic gymnast, Audrid once served as head of the Trill Symbiosis Commission. Being named to that post was the happiest event of her life, Torias Torias was a test pilot who was joined about 2284 but lived less than a year thereafter. Torias married another joined Trill, a scientist named Nilani Kahn but was killed in a shuttle accident, Joran was a murderer whose joining to the Dax symbiont remained shrouded in secrecy and mystery for years , a composer with a violent temper, he was accepted into the Trill initiate program and deemed unsuitable to host a symbiont, but for some reason was joined to Dax anyway in 2285, Curzon was an ambassador to the Klingons for the federation , he was a noted Federation dignitary, aficionado of Klingon culture, and something of a womanizer (which ultimately killed him). Joined from 2285 to 2367 — 82 years — Curzon was one of Dax's most enduring and distinguished hosts, and one of the most colorful. He was a close friend and mentor to Benjamin, who called him "old man," a habit that Sisko continued when Dax became Jadzia, and now that dax has passed on to me, he calls me old man! ME! I couldn’t be less of an old man if I tried! But I guess it’s a term of affection! Jadzia was a Starfleet science officer!woah what a mixed pot huh? well heres a few lil titbits of information about me/dax

2369 – As lieutenant, posted to DS9 as science officer
2372 – Won promotion to lieutenant commander
2374 – Combat promotion to commander, U.S.S. Defiant, during DS9 occupation In 2367 at age 26, Jadzia made history as the only rejected Trill initiate to return successfully and pass the program and then she came to ds9 and married Worf the “big hulk of a Klingon” as Quark calls him! And then there’s me host number nine, with nothing of notable importance to add to the defined and admired Dax line but there you have it! You guys wanted information and well i'm a dab hand at rambling so that’s what you got! Questions or comments? Well I’ll only be too glad to answer them! Go on challenge me!!

(Sit on the couch)

[04 Oct 2005|12:33pm]
I suppose I’d have to say my proudest moment was being joined. Well rather the aftermath of being joined. It was a challenge, a big challenge, especially the reassociation with all of my friends, and um lovers on Deep space nine!

I never wanted to be joined; it happened by accident, I was the only Trill aboard when the Dax symbiont needed transferred into a host. But when it happened, I went to bed one person and woke up 8 different people, I realised how immense the task ahead of me was. It has taken me some time but I think i'm on the right road, I still confuse my pronouns and get overwhelmed by emotions and memories but I am so proud to have made it – and with no training, other than a 15 minute “chat” with the doctor before the operation. Getting promoted to Lieutenant and counsellor of ds9 and coming to a compromise with Worf as well as sifting through 8 lifetimes of memories really is an accomplishment, and for that I am proud of myself.

Well I must run, Kira and Odo have invited me over for dinner, and I have to bring the wine!

(Sit on the couch)

[22 Sep 2005|06:46pm]
Well i'm about as musical as a Vorta, but Joran Belar, my fifth host – or was it sixth, no no he was my sixth host – I mean Dax’s sixth host, was very musical. Of course we didn’t know he was musical, by we I mean Dax’s previous hosts, because for a long time we didn’t even know that he was a Dax host. But he was. A host I mean. And musical too. But unfortunately his musical talents weren’t passed down through the other hosts. I’ve always wanted to play a musical instrument, as did Jadzia. But neither of us had much musical talent at all!

(Sit on the couch)

[22 Sep 2005|06:45pm]
Where would I be if I weren’t here? Well i’m not too sure, but I’d probably still be aboard the U.S.S Destiny as a trainee counsellor.

I DO know what I wouldn’t be doing, I wouldn’t be bursting into tears without warning or reason for that matter – which I think is the Audrid in me, Audrid was Dax’s fourth host or was it third? Nope it was definitely fourth!

I wouldn’t be standing on my head – my third host Emony was a gymnast and stood on her head all the time, she found it helped her think!

I wouldn’t pace up and down with my hands clasped behind my back - something Lela – Dax’s first host, used to do to contain her over gesticulating hands, and my nails well my nails would be in a lot better shape- which I think is the Tobin in me, not to mention I wouldn’t apologise so much! He was such a nervous fellow, Tobin I mean, the second host, and he was a vegetarian too, which probably accounts for my problems at dinnertime when i'm deciding what I want to eat!

The list is endless! It’s such a difficult job, sifting through what’s me – Ezri Tigan and what’s Dax’s other hosts all eight of them!

(Sit on the couch)

after hours... [22 Sep 2005|06:44pm]
After hours? You mean what do I do when i'm not on duty? Well Jadzia used to talk Kira into going to the holosuite – you see she isn’t too fond of the holosuite so it was a job in itself getting her to step foot into them! Or working out with Worf in some Klingon exercise programme. And if she wasn’t in the holosuite, she was playing Tongo with the Ferangi in Quarks, or having lunch with Julian.

Me? Well I have only been here a while, not nearly long enough to impose myself on the others. To be honest I think that they are a little freaked out by me, they miss Jadzia and I don’t blame them for feeling awkward around me. But I have to admit it’s a little lonely, not having anyone but morn to talk to – and he doesn’t even talk back, which makes my rambling more obvious and makes me feel crazier than I already am!

I knew there was a reason why new hosts were not supposed to re-associate with old friends, colleagues and former lovers. But me being me – Ezri I mean not Dax, well I guess I mean Dax too, am too stubborn to throw in the towel and walk away. I'm the kind to stand and fight, even if the odds are stacked against me.

I'm sure they’ll come around, and i'm sure that some day I’ll be in the holosuite with Kira, or playing Tongo with Quark.

At least I hope so!

(Sit on the couch)

[21 Sep 2005|01:11pm]
As both Ezri Tigan and Ezri Dax when I die my life will not come to an end – technically. You see my memories, by my memories I mean the memories of Ezri Tigan of course, will remain with the Dax Symbiont when I die. So i'm kinda immortal in a strange way. My legacy will live on, and my achievements wont die with my body, as long as I protect my Symbiont and ensure its safety I will never die.

I don’t fear dying, or being killed, but I do remember how it feels, I have died 8 times, well I haven’t died 8 times, I mean the Dax Symbiont has survived through 8 deaths, I have the memories of each of their deaths within my mind.

You’d think that after 300 years of experience under my belt and having died myself-or at least remembering the sensation of dying, well not me myself dying, what I mean is I remember what my other hosts deaths felt like, I mean the memories of their deaths – see what I mean? I even confuse myself!

Anyway you would think that with all of my Dax’s worldly knowledge and experience that I would be a little more capable of dealing with death, understand the concept of death, and come to terms with the loss of someone I love, a little easier than the next person.

However true that may be for the Dax Symbiont, for Ezri Tigan on the other hand, its still as difficult to deal with death and people dying as it ever has been. It doesn’t get any easier. Actually, perhaps because of Joran Dax, and his unfavourable past, well actually its quite a horrendous past that I try to ignore and bury as much as possible, I find death a difficult concept to grasp. I fear it. Particularly the deaths of the people I love, and especially with this stupid war with the Dominion. I just fear that one day my friends will travel into battle – or worse still not even be looking for a battle and be ambushed, by Jem Hadar, and killed.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, to know that one day Kira, Benjamin, Chief O’Brien, Julian and the others, may be gone, killed in the line of duty, die in their sleep, in an accident, anything.

As hard as it is to think about I have to control the thoughts, not let them control me, and to just enjoy the time I have with them and not keep thinking the worst in situations.

They really are a great group of people, the Chief has such a profound sense of humour, Kira and I are quickly becoming best friends, Worf may be sour and surly but he is the most noble and honourable man I have ever met, Julian – well he’s another story, I love him, but I cant tell him I love him, but I don’t know why I love him and I don’t know why I cant tell him I love him. Benjamin is well he’s just Benjamin and this is the 3rd lifetime of friendship with him. Even Quark, the ferangi bar tender that Jadzia was so fond of is kind of – well kind of sweet - in a strange ferangi kind of way!

Well i'm having dinner with Kira and Odo this evening in Vic’s, i'm really enjoying being aboard Ds9, after all of the initial teething problems with Worf and the others, I have finally settled in, and this place, this station, its now home.

(Sit on the couch)

[21 Sep 2005|01:08pm]
As a Joined Trill, changes are a big part of my life. As a Dax, I have lived through 8 lifetimes; I have been a man, a woman, a mother, a father, a wife, a husband, a musician, a politician, a scientist, a murderer. Lela, Tobin, Emony, Audrid, Torias, Joran, Curzon, Jadzia and now me. Ezri Tigan.

My latest change was from Jadzia Dax to Ezri Dax. Jadzia was a science officer; she ate Gach, drank Raktajino, played Tonga with Quark the Ferangi bar tender, and married a Klingon warrior. And me, well i'm a Counsellor, I hate Raktajino, Gach makes me squirm I don’t have a clue how to play Tonga, and i'm in love with a human man. A doctor in fact.

At first I didn’t even want to be joined, I wasn’t supposed to be joined, I mean I was only joined because when we were taking the Dax symbiont back to Trill, the symbiont had some difficulties and as it happened I was the only Trill on the ship. When I was first joined the sudden influx of 300 years of memories was overwhelming to say the least. It was hard to separate the memories and experiences of each of the former hosts, to tell the difference between who I was. I mean I couldn’t prevent myself from breaking down in tears unexpectedly, from beginning a conversation with some body and running off at the mouth to the point where I had recited facts about former hosts and situations and completely confused both myself and the person with whom I was having the conversation with.

It has gotten easier of course, to dissect memories of Dax’s previous hosts, to distinguish between their thoughts and feelings from my own. But even now I still get my pronouns confused. And from time to time I slip into a previous hosts memories and speak as though I am that host, but from what I hear from the crew on Deep Space Nine and from what I remember, Jadzia often spoke as though she were still Curzon, it takes time to adjust, especially when I wasn’t fully trained to receive a symbiont.

Its oh so confusing to be a joined Trill. And as I said, things change from life to life. But that’s whats so exciting about it!

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